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BROKEN ANGEL Ouch! the dreaded “friend” word. Once you become a “friend”, there is a little chance that you can get out from under that. This young man absolutely makes me melt in his presence. I have never felt that energy before. He rejected me in a very nice way, but rejection is a horrible feeling nonetheless… I wonder if I should just stay away for awhile, since the pain is pretty intense, or if I should just settle to be his friend. I’m not sure if that’s possible however, I don’t know what to do. Rejection by the man I love has broken my heart… Many times have I promised myself to stop…? I’m so over it. He doesn’t even care about me. I’m accepting his proposal that both of us have to be just friends. For the sake of me seeing him I did agree. Because every time I see him I feel so lost and forget all the pains he caused me and be happy about it. How foolish I am to be in love with a guy like him. I’m so blinded. Maybe at the back of his mind he will probably say that “this girl is so foolishly in love with me. She’s so easy that I can even use her every time I need something. She’s always okay as I see here”. But the truth is? He doesn’t know what I really felt. So much pain and sacrifices…. I’m so dying inside…Tears in the shadow that no one can see. All I did was cry! Letting go the pains I felt inside…because I can’t tell him how I hate him for giving me so much pain. I’m so scared to loose him and tell him that. Despite this I keep trying to reach him, but he keeps on running away from me…I hate him! Nonetheless I can never be mad at him…I have chosen to love him not to be mad at him…It’s not his fault if he really doesn’t love me. But why do I keep holding on???? I admit that I am so crazy in love with him…But how could he?!!! Comparing me to his present girlfriend is so unfair. I can never be them. This is me!!! Why can’t he accept that???!!! The way that I accepted him! Never did I compare him to anybody. Because I love the way he is…Though other people see many negative things in him towards me, still I keep on protecting him and fight for him…That what they see in him is not really him…I keep on telling them that he is nice and good person….That’s what I see in him…something good that nobody can define and see… It’s not worth it I guess…there’s nothing in me that he sees but a childish girl who makes herself happy in simple things… For him its a shame…Making herself always feel better in a childish way…Because for her that’s the only way she can get out from being trap in a world full of sadness, disappointments, and pains…The life she has is not a life that someone like you can understand. Even so, in her own childish way she can be happy…. But she got lost. Her life was misdirected when you came along and play with her…She believed in you that made her denied herself….Just for a second of her life everything changes that leads her to sadness, disappointments and pains again…But as what they say everybody needs to be understood…And I do. Understanding you and loving you is what I always do…So I did play with you and give everything that makes you happy. Play with the game you love to play even if it hurts me…I never did try to complain…I just let you…I always tells you that what ever makes you happy I will be happy…But deep down inside of me is heartaches and pains… I really don’t know if he knows how much pain he had caused me….You know what? I only heard him say sorry to me once. And I was happy about it. Even if I wasn’t sure if his sincere or not because the moment he said that, he was drunk. In myself never did I regret that I have said my countless words of sorry to him. That even though I have no reason to say sorry, I know I have my mistakes because I’m not perfect and I admit all of it. But him?! I don’t know…. You know what??? I always wish that somehow, with one close of my eyes I can feel you’re love and pray to never open my eyes again… So be it…I know what you wanted…I know what will make you happy…And that would be letting go of you totally…Even if it hurts me a thousand times…I will do it just for you…You will be happy I know…Seeing me going away from you will satisfy you and let you live your own life…. How can be someone like you hurt and break my heart this way??? And why did I let you??? Are you happy with it huh????…Maybe im not the right woman for you and maybe i could find the right man here that is why i joined this to share my weakness,problems and my life... I wish i could find my real happiness in life.. I do love you but i dont trust you anymore because you gave me so much pain in my heart that cannot be ease...Maybe one thing who can ease the pain is the one who can totally love me for who i am and what i am and who cares for me and i wish to find that person... With a pure heart and inner beauty... It doesnt what he looks the important is he is true and sincere to me... I wish to find him soon... I am so broken Angel...Though it hurts to loved with a wrong guy i never give up because i noticed that it would be a great challenges for me to be strong if i could love the right person and who really meant to me... Would you ease my pain inside my heart>??? 
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11/29/2008 3:51 am |
To forget a love, just a new love! If the boy does not want you, even amamdo it, you must find someone else who really love you and make you love it too, so you can forget those who do not want you. Go ahead and good luck, you can.
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thank you so much... I would like to be friends with you... Can we know each other's more?? i wish you can write me a letter here... You can read more blogs soon...
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My dear broken angel , until you deal with your pain and your feelings of guilt , that is when you will fine the love you need , running to the arms of another man with out first getting out all the feelings that you still have inside , only will cause you more pain and disappointment . You seem like a nice looking girl , with a lot of life in front of you , don't wait until you too old , to realize how much of your life you leave behind . I wish you the best .
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gotta go my own way...This is new me and looking for a nice person who loves me for being me...
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12/23/2008 4:13 pm |
My dear broken hope that his condition has improved espirito.Da the last time you visited your blog you were suffering. I hope that if I recuperado.Eu of Cuiabá / Mato Grosso in Brazil and work for many years in an organ of the government of the state. You care to tell me that atividaes exercise, which their work on their gostos. your family!Beijos
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