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When chemistry sparkles but communication fizzles. When chemistry sparkles yet communication sizzles 5/19/2009 8:34 pm I was married for over fifteen years to a man to whom I was never sexually attracted to. I never cared for his scent. Dogs are onto something there....check the smells first, especially the butt. It took me a long time to realize that we were not sexually compatible and that it was not exclusively my fault. We enjoyed long walks together and laughed at the same jokes. We debated energetically and amicably against each other. We were great friends although we did/do have some strong differences in beliefs. We didn't fight but somehow that was a negative: we never mixed it up loudly because we had no emotional investment in each other. Four months ago I joined in a relationship with a man that I found very sexually attractive. I loved his scent, his body, the way that he handled me. Sleeping with him inside of me was heaven. I can still feel my hand surfing on his head where he had had hair at one time. Yet we fought like cats and dogs. Our problem? My poor Spanish and his not much better English challenged our communication; but what really pounced on our chance for success was our different methods of communicating. He is from South America; I am a Kansas girl. When I was explaining, he thought that I was accusing. He said that I was always complaining against him; I thought that I was being honest: I am not sure that I will ever be able to kiss a man who just took a loud slurp of matee. The taste is bitter to me and I cannot kiss while the slurp is still echoing in my mind. On his side of board of complaints/honesty: he recently, in a rare tirade exclaimed that I burp and fart like a gorilla. (It wasn't me!!!) Anyway, I am a Jayhawk, not a gorilla and I would have insulated if I had known that my favorite noises bothered him. He did profess that he loved ALL of my scents so why not alert him to when they became available? He interrupted me constantly. I think that some cultures (starts with an A and ends with an a)speak in loud forceful overlapping layers. It's a piece of interactive live art for that culture. It works for them but here in Kansas we monologue, and we drawlllll verrrrry slooooowly and we pause, politely, and bovinely, to give the other person a chance to monologue also. That's how it works in the midwest of the United States. We delight in antagonizing New Yorkers with our painfully slow progression of conservation. "Yep......looks like it's a gonna rain." "Think so?" "Yep." "Sure nuff." "All right now, see y'all later." "Bye now." I think that I must have bored him. Our conservations were like this: "Uh, querido, do ya wanna go- "No, gringa linda, we will go later." "Ummmmmmm, go where? I didn't finish my- "Dinner. I know that already. I have eyes. I can see. You need to finish your dinner so that we can go to the store." "Will you let me finish a sent- "Yes, fine viajita, eat. Finish your dinner." "&*%$###********." "Did you take your mood pill today?" I was always jealous when I heard his rapid fire conservations with his Spanish speaking friends. He was so animated, happy, and free with his words. Our conservations and debates were cumbersome and frustrating not only because of language but also because we each had a hard time grasping the viewpoint of the other. Many times I was giving him a compliment but he heard an insult. We had a better chance of winning the lottery than guessing correctly the end of each others sentences. Yet at the end of the day, sometimes before, we still had our uni language favorite activity: sex. It was wonderful but not enough to keep us together. Sadly, we parted ways and now my days and nights are lacking of any fulfilling significant other compatibility. Just me, Jose Cuervo, and my happy pink latex bunny toy. We are a sad, lonely trio. My question is this: should I have been happy with companionship? Was I selfish to crave sexual actualization? Can sexual compatibility overcome cultural differences? WOULD HE HAVE EVER EVER REALIZED THAT DOROTHY FROM KANSAS IS ALWAYS RIGHT BECAUSE SHE HAS RED SPARKLY SLIPPERS AND THE BEAUTIFUL GOOD WITCH OF THE NORTH, GLINDA? For heaven's sakes, he's got Eva Peron and endemic echinococcosis (parasites-in his birthplace, not him, personally). OZ wins without a doubt. That was a cheap, nonparallel shot but that's okay: right now I am suffering from lack of both verbal and sexual companionship. I know that SOMETHING on me is blue right now. What's a girl to do? What should I strive for? hope for? expect? Can I have it all? What is more important, orgasms or orgasms? I mean orgasms or conversations? I WANT THE BLOODY ANSWER! 
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6/30/2009 5:36 pm |
Can sexual compatibility overcome cultural differences? My dear friend its a good question!! When the love comes everything is beautiful;it doesn't matter the lenguage [in my opinion]because the lenguage of love is the best;you can talk with your eyes,with your hands showing your feelings;you can give your soul with a kiss...you don't have to say "i love you",you have to do the best,its all. When you love someone you love that person as that person is;you can try my food i can try yours;i went before so many times to a place named Roun Up its a nice place[country music place]near to my house and i enjoyed the coreography,the music..why not?! i know a couple,her name is Rosaida his name is Greg,she doesn't speak English he speaks Spanish because he learned with her! Don't worry im sure you'll learn Spanish and will show him that you are so smart and also i think he should learn English because he lives in america istn't it? I wish you a wonderful week!    
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6/7/2009 8:40 pm |
I hope you can understand my writting, I can understand you perfectly, but writting is difficult for me, I am argentine, and a woman just like yoy, with the same problems, our cultures are differents, that's true, but..LOVE IS LOVE, if you love someone, you do not care about this points, you work hard to make it a good and happy relationship,but if it was only sex, you took the rigth path, no matter if he was argentine, american, or japonesse. If you miss him, phone him, we argentines are very sentimental creatures, and passional. I wish you the best.Lully.
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